contemplating

i know tis cheesy.

last week the german actress Silvia Seidel died.

apparently she comitted suicide. 

roughly 25 years ago she starred in a christmas mini series on german TV

25 years ago i was glued to the screen. 

She stuck to acting and from time to time you could see her on german tv usually in some guest part in semi good tv shows. but still she seemed to be working.

I saw her on a talkshow last, 8 years ago, there she talked about the difficulties of getting work as an actress, how she tried to become “nonfamous” again so people wouldn’t always compare the adult to the 17 year old girl.

A Story similar to that of Romy Schneider. 

But then, Romy Schneider was still a star as an adult, Silvia Seidel barely made ends meet. 

A fate she shared with about 98% of all german actors.

By now there’s a running gag in the acting scene:

“Sorry no pay but the catering is good”

As a painter and designer i can relate on that plane.

A lot of people request layouts or even full blown paintings and are not willing to pay decently for it. 

things like “quote me a decent discount and you may use it for your portfolio” is as common as “you do the painting and i’ll invite you to dinner”

The special highlight is always “but painting is a hobby” and “c’mon we’re friends”

Artists in all branches share this problem.

actors get paid minimum wages just like musicians. and actually get responses like “but isn’t the applause payment enough?”

Painters and designers are substituted by laymen because they do it for free or really cheap.

And what suffers isn’t only the standart of the artwork and the quality, but also all those people who didn’t get the job. 

And when we, the people who call themselfes artists, dare to complain to nonartists friends we get lines like “get a decent job then” or “that’s what you get from trying to get money for a hobby”

The same people who dare to comment on the quality of paintings and actors in films.

They all want good entertainment, nice looking furniture and clothes, have nice paintings, books and design objects in their lifes. But don’t the designers, actors, musicians dare to claim decent money for a decent job.

Silvia Seidel’s death shone a light on this, again.

It won’t chance anything. We all will continue to fight for our money, keep on leading unsteady lifes, because we’ll never know when the next job will pay out. Or we’ll reduce our profession to a part time job or hobby just to make ends meet.

As i said, i can relate on that plane, better than you may think.

I didn’t know Silvia Seidel as a person, all i know is she was 9 years older than me, roughly the same age as my brother. She was a good actress, a childhood idol for me. she had a kind voice, a nice laugh and kind, warm eyes. 

And she shoudln’t have died at 42. 

I can only hope that, in death, she finds the things she lacked in life. 

And i know, when things get a bit quieter around here, one evening i’ll open a bottle  of merlot and re-watch Anna.